We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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