soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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