he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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