im drinking this country out of the recession.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
