I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my poor anus
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
