Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
