Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
