You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
