You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
