Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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