I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
