your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
