Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
