I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
