At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
