come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
