my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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