White coat. Heels.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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