Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
