Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
