its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
