with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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