Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
