My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
did i walk over a car last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
