Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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