so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
