4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
