wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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