i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
