I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
