im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
