My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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