My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
