listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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