okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
