I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
