I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
