Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
