It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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