I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
