My room smells like vodka and shame
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
