had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
