she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
