I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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