i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
