the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
