the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
