Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
