You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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