Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
